OMG – I’ve done caught the ringworm!
You can read about it now, or click the video below to hear me tell you in person on the youtube.Here’s what happened…
So I was checking out my backside the other day. I do that from time to time. It takes a while. Don’t be judging. And I saw a round circle. And at first I thought it was like what happened that time I was bedazzling my leggings and one got caught up in my undies. But then I realized what it was. Only one thing it could be. RINGWORM! That’s right – I done caught the ringworm. I heard there was a ringworm outbreak at the gym. I’m pretty sure Duvelle started it. I know I shouldn’t have sat on that rowing machine.
Anyway. I freaked out. Went to that Urgi-Care You know – the doc in a box. The one near the donut place. There’s having a buy one get one on pumpkin spice donuts And the doctor comes out. And he was like 18 if he was a day. Seriously. I’m pretty sure I used to babysit him. I did not look forward to him telling me to drop my drawers so he could check it out. But I didn’t care. By this point, I was pretty sure my worm had just had a million babies and they were probably making their way across my thighs – and that’s the last thing I need is more dimpling. And omg is my thigh moving.
Now ya’ll know when I get nervous I make inappropriate jokes. And so when he asked me if I minded giving him a look, I said “Oh sweetie there is a long line of people waiting to get a look at this rear end.” And he did not laugh. Which made me even more nervous. And I told him that I worked the pole third shift. Some men like a woman with a little junk in her trunk. No laugh. Nothing. And that’s when I told him that he would have to buy me dinner first. How about Bojangles? Not even a smile. So I already knew he wasn’t gonna laugh when he saw the arrow I drew with a Sharpie on the other butt cheek that said – look here. People are so serious these days.
He wasn’t back there long. In fact, he barely looked and then rolled back on his stool and said, “Not Ringworm.” And I’m like are you sure? And he nodded. And I made a mental note not to key Duvelle’s car.
Turns out – it’s what they call a contusion. Which my husband says is just a fancy word for a bruise. Can you believe that? I had to let a young man inspect my butt check, And give me a bill bigger than my house payment to tell me I got a bruise. Geesh.
So that’s what I’m dealing with today. So if you’ve got a round circle on your backside. Rest easy. Save your money. Bye ya’ll.
Keep laughing, even when there’s nothing to laugh about.
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